You were always kind and smiling, Momma. Smiling, listening, and embracing everyone with your warmth. People who know you liked you. It's hard being a lovable person as you. You raised me and Joel with so much grace, just as you were our best friend. You were always reasonable when you were angry to us (which was never that long). We had a beautiful and lovely childhood all because of you. Because you shielded us from the tough things and took it all on you. I remember you going into the kitchen in church assembly often to meet to hostel girls serving there and talking to them. No one did that. No one talked to amma in the church as much as you did. No one wanted to distribute cake to the military men at the gates every Christmas. No one talks so kindly to the people who hurt. No one wakes us up with warm hugs on our birthdays anymore. 

The more i think about it, you raised all three of us in different ways. You were always kind to pappa because understood his work, and always stood positively beside him. You kept quiet but always had the smartest ideas when he was lost of words. You were a big fan of Joel, admiring everything that he did. You didn't always understand his drawings or guitar tunes but were always so ready to listen to what he had to say. Thank you for protecting him from the wilderness surrounding him. Thank you for always speaking up for him. You allowed me to be independent from a young age. You stopped doing things for me one by one as i grew older and understood that i could them on my own. Did you scrub my back till I was like 12? haha. You always saw me as a big girl who makes you proud. I'm so sorry that you had to experience my teenage era...but no one was more kind to me then, than you. Still you saw moments where i was weak and filled in those gaps. I tried to be perfect but you told me it was okay to fail. You knew exactly what each of us needed at all points of our lives.

Thank you for filling our lives with joy and affection, you did so till the very last day. What I could have done would have started a few years from now...where i got a job and bought you designer bags and took you on trips. Back then, i was a kid not knowing how to show my love thorugh actions. I know now but it's too late. I know you never wanted more than you had. Is that why all of this happened?

I want to tell you that all the little kids that you love are growing up now. Three of us too. We are fine. We often miss you and look into the sky in hopes of finding you. But you are with us and your God is with us. That is one good thing that keeps a faint smile on my face.

2 Corinthians 4: 16-18 -> sums that up perfectly. Yes, I'm reading more of the Bible.

Really miss you momma. Love you so much.

Stephy